Monstering

Testing Custom domain

2010-02-08T14:40:00.001Z

Stupid bloody google switching off ftp..

Civilised my bum

2008-07-10T09:24:00.001+01:00

En route to Brisbane, internet shockingly absent & expensive in Oz.

Bloody cold.

Still having fun though!

More as it is possible!

Love,
Jono

FIVE HOURS!!

2008-06-19T16:50:00.002+01:00

I swear, I swear I will add entries on Portland & Sacramento. There WILL be photos of the Gay Pride parade and commentary on Australians.

But right now? Right now the ONLY thing I give a fuck about is that my Jen will be arriving in FIVE HOURS!!!

Heeeeheehehe!! I have butterflies.

I also have syrup on my face because I just ate a waffle.

San Diego needs a health warning

2008-06-04T21:16:00.003+01:00

I've been lax on the blogging again, my apologies.

Thing is, since I left Vegas I've pretty much done nothing but party it up. This leaves little space for blogging between hangovers and drunkeness.

San Diego is groovy though, setting aside the hostel (which I've decided is actually best thought of as a nightclub with beds - Bristolians, it bears some resemblance to the Black Swan). The weather is fabulous (actually today the weather is crap, otherwise I'd be at the beach right now), the people are friendly, its quite pretty in a European kind of way. Their mall in downtown has no roof, which I interpret as a bit of a boast about the prevailing weather conditions.

Balboa Park is very charming, if somewhat full of roads (fairly common with big US parks), featuring a collection of museums, zoo, tiny railway. Your standard park stuff.

I have an inescapable feeling of marking time while I wait for my beloved Jen to arrive now, but I'm enjoying the marking so that's OK.

Might go up to Portland to visit my cousin depending on what he's doing - I hear there's an awesome doughnut shop there..

[hunter s quote goes here]

2008-05-27T22:51:00.002+01:00

So... First impressions of Las Vegas...

Well, Dean asked me for a one word summary of the place, the best I can come up with on that score is - carbuncle.

I feel it is appropriate on both counts. Vegas is from a certain visual point of view, a glittery gemstone plonked in the Nevada desert.
It is equally true that its the pus-filled point of an infection. The one place where all that puritan repression comes spurting out in thick, hot, streams of stinky yellow goop.

Ahem. Not that I'm trying to do the place down you understand.

All I'm saying is that I walked past three drive through chapels, a dozen adult movie theatres, several strip joints (one with a swing set out the front) and a number of passed out drunk people to reach the hostel... Which is across the street from a 24 hour topless cabaret.

This is Blackpool without British reserve. In the desert, with millions and millions of dollars.

I think I like Blackpool better..

I should be taking either the 'fuck it, let's partay!' or 'Fascinated observer of the carnival of grotesquerie' here I think. But the whole place thus far is so totally alien to me that its vaguely stomach turning...

Had lunch at the Bellagio's buffet - that at least was fairly impressive. $20 for a pan-global selection of foodstuffs and gold plated cutlery. Mostly tasty, but all very strange.

Ridiculously Short Video

2008-05-25T02:59:00.001+01:00

Here is a minute of hiking -

Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is..

2008-05-25T00:18:00.002+01:00

That's Douglas Adams on space. I'm borrowing his words because they're the best ones I can think of to describe the Grand Canyon.

You eventually get really tired of people telling you about this place because they repeatedly inform you that you are, despite your best efforts, failing to imagine how huge this thing is.

I hate it when people are right.

The Canyon is so big your brain doesn't process it properly - it looks fake for the most part. Remember Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade? Remember that bit with the invisible bridge? It looks like that. (We're coming back to Indy in a bit, by the way)
There's a really obviously real bit, and then about 200' away from wherever you're standing there is a painted backdrop. Like the edge of the sky in the Truman show.

I mean, its a really cool fake - there are condors flying around in it, clouds, rain, snow (yeah, I got snowed on at the Grand Canyon), tiny specks which turn out to be mule trains, or even further below, rafts on the Colorado River, when you look through binoculars.

It is stunningly beautiful. There are photos - look at them and imagine that shit is bigger than anything you can reasonably imagine. Think about a mountain, and imagine that inside out maybe.

It was Cool.

The tour was great, somewhat astonishingly they arrange it so as to sneak the canyon up on you and surprise you with it (this involved walking around staring at the ground for a bit). I can confirm that is possible to sneak one of the largest natural things on earth up on 15 people. You thought your last birthday present was a surprise? Pfffft.

There will also be a very short video clip of hiking in the canyon - this is bloody exhausting, because you're more or less going down a cliff. We did two and a half hours, reaching something called Cedar Ridge (big finger of rock sticking out into nothing), just past Oo-Aaah Point (seriously - that one isn't signposted because every time they put one up, somebody nicks it.)

That was the sissy hike - proper hikers go from one of the rims, to Phantom Ranch down on the river, then back the next day. You don't go down and back in one day, because that's how people die here.

Yeah. People die at the canyon. There's a book about it which gets updated every couple of years.

However the single most common injury at the canyon?

Squirrel bites.

Moving swiftly on from wonders of the natural world for a brief swing by movies -

Indiana Jones 4 came out on the 22nd, so I went to see it today. I won't spoil it for you, on the basis that you should probably see it. However - I give it a C+ must try harder, rising to an A- at several points. Also, you can tell this is later Spielberg. I'm not sure if mentioning Ai in this context gives away too much...

Anyway!

Let there be some (er.. lots of) photos -

And some more, from Austin -

Austin

The Obvious

2008-05-23T16:19:00.003+01:00

Things you expect to see in Arizona -

Road runner
Dust devils
Red rocks
Cactus

Number one thing you don't expect to see?

That would probably be snowstorms.

Yup. Its snowing here in Flagstaff, and it may be snowing too heavily to go to the Grand Canyon.

I don't mind either way - I'm happy to hang out in Flagstaff an extra couple of days if needs be and who doesn't like snow?

I also managed to get a bit pissed after two glasses of wine last night - shows what altitude does for your alcohol tolerance!

Stay tuned oh my dearly belov'ds..

Of Dogs, Seagals and Ways Not to Start Your Day

2008-05-23T01:44:00.004+01:00

I've hightailed it out of Austin, out of Texas and across New Mexico and a fair chunk of Arizona to bring you this post from... Flagstaff!

Hands up if you had any idea this town existed? Well done, you may have a yoghurt coated raisin for your mad geographic skillz.

Flagstaff is about 90 miles from the Grand Canyon and a little less from Sedona (home of the Painted Desert), and about 7000' above sea level - as a result it is actually pretty chilly here, which makes a nice change from Austin (where it didn't really drop below 36C) and a brief respite before Vegas and San Diego. It is also teeny-tiny by the standards of the other cities I've been to, coming in at just under 5,000 people. Those 5,000 people are roughly divided up into loggers, hippies, geologists, and extreme sports nuts; giving the place an interesting variant on the smalltown vibe.

I had lunch at a Thai place across the street from the hostel (Grand Canyon Hostel, perfectly pleasant and cheap at $19 a night), which surprised me by being quite good. You don't expect to come to a mountain-desert town in Arizona and be served a perfectly serviceable Pad Thai and a decent chicken & cucumber soup. (Well, I didn't anyway.)

I left Austin on the morning of the 21st and arrived here a day and two timezones later.

Word to the wise - if you can possibly avoid it, don't take 25 hour rides on the Greyhound.

Another word to the even wiser - ignore everything you see and hear going on around you inside the bus, try not to make eye contact with anybody. Also, try not to sit next to guys with GPS anklets, especially if their only carryon is a HUGE FUCKING BIBLE. Bless wearing shades, hoodies and mp3 players for allowing me to pretend to be blind, deaf and asleep.
Bible-thumping ex-felon was only with me for the first bus - the star of the second bus has to be the guy across the aisle quite visibly masturbating under his blanket while watching Steven Seagal movies on a portable DVD player.

You know how when you pass a car accident, you can't help but look?

I feel a bit frazzled, possibly even fraggled by the whole experience. However it is over and done with, Flagstaff looks fairly pleasant (even if it looks like snow) and I'm off to the Grand Canyon tomorrow, possibly Sedona the day after that.

I took a few photos in Austin, which I will post when I can trust my brain not to drop the camera or accidentally flick it into a ceiling-fan or similar.

I'm going to stop now. I'm very tired, I have a coldsore and I need to work up to focusing on food for the evening.

Much love peoples. Stay shining. X

Texas is Big and Dull

2008-05-20T01:41:00.004+01:00

Yoyo homies, what up in the hood?

Just a quickie in case y'all are wondering why there t'ain't no bloggin' action...

Texas is really, really boring.

Seriously. We had a bbq. There is nothing else I can say about Austin besides this - it is too damn hot.

Not feelin' the Lonestar State. Moving on to Arizona (honestly, I have a real yen to be back on the west coast) then blitzing westward, maybe to Vegas, then San Diego.

I'm not sure why, but it seems that the middle of the US just plain sucks - see Minneapolis for more on the same theme.

On the plus side - House is on tonight. Awwwwww yeaaaah.

[Insert Elvis Themed Blog Title Here]

2008-05-13T06:02:00.003+01:00

Word up! Or down. Why is it always word up, but down with the kids?

Er, anyway!

So I'm in Memphis currently resting my head in Germantown with the lovely Teresa & John, who've been putting me up, feeding me, getting me drunk, ferrying my ass around and just generally being lovely for the last few days. They are awesome.

I'm a bit ambivalent about Memphis mind - it has so much cool stuff, but like Washington feels surprisingly dangerous (you can't walk around in the area near Graceland after dark for example).

But let's ignore that for now and zoom through some fooooooooood. Oh yeaaah. There's good eatin' round these here parts!

We went to a place called Gus' World Famous Fried Chicken (modesty be damned), a couple of streets from Beale. They deserve their self-awarded title - I've never had chicken that crispy, so perfectly spiced and succulent. Man alive, I might just spend the rest of my life trying to recreate that shit - its like heroin. Once you try it you'll want it forever! (Again with the groovy slogans Jono)
Only thing I ever had that bears a comparison in the batter stakes was some Jamaican style fishcakes from a stall at Glastonbury Festival, many years ago.. I reckon the real secret lies in the peanut oil for frying...

Moving on to pork, bbq that is - you cannot come to Memphis and not have bbq. They have bbq spaghetti here. This is the bbq capital of the world (according to Memphis). How many times can I say bbq in one post?

So I had bbq at Blues City Cafe, not the best or only place to grab a rack of ribs, but damn fine (Rendevouz is allegedly better, but they do dry ribs as opposed to wet) served with Texas toast (I'm not sure why this is different from buttered toast - I'll look into it), slaw (that's coleslaw to us Europeans), steak fries and beans. I'm starting to get hooked on southern style beans.. Basically your regular baked bean, but with added sugar and bbq sauce plus sliced bell peppers. Bbq ribs are awesome because they come in a HUGE rack, leaving one thinking 'how the zarking hell do I eat this?', a question answered by poking 'em with your knife and discovering that they fall apart. You still get covered in bbq sauce though. (Well, I do.)
Its a sugar and fat high. Add caffeine to this stuff and you'd have to make it illegal.

Ahem. I didn't just forcibly insert meats into my face however - I have done legitimate sightseeing as well.

First night, got drunk with Teresa & John. Great fun, had a lovely time.

Second night, went out on Beale street with Teresa & John (this is one of the three reasons people come to Memphis - Elvis, Beale & the Peabody Ducks. I'm lying, just watch.), drank a lot and saw a bunch of bands - every place has a blues band, or somebody playing rockabilly, or jazz. Most of them have gardens and the street buzzes with neon signs (I do love neon), music and the smell of food blasting out of every door. Saw a rather marvelous band called Hillbilly Casino (google 'em, they're punks playing classic rockabilly - guy with a mohawk rocking the stand up bass. Nice.)

Next day, somewhat the worse for wear - Civil Rights Museum, which is really rather wonderfully done. Lot of reading, but an excellent in depth look at the history of the civil rights movement in the states, obviously with a fair focus on Martin Luther King, given the museum is housed in the shell of the Lorraine Motel where he was shot.

There's something fundamentally disconcerting about seeing a family lining up for photos in front of the balcony, grinning like pumpkins. I rate the museum as a must see if you come here - make sure to say hi to the lady who's been protesting outside it for the last 23 years as well.

After that the Rock'n'Soul museum, featuring a Lucille (as in the guitar), plus a varied selection of knicknaks, geegaws, anecdotes, outfits and instruments from dozens of big names from rock, blues & r&b (check out Isaac Hayes' fur coat), also an enjoyable selection of classic tuneage.

Then out for a few drinks at a pub called the Flying Saucer, because a couple of Teresa & John's friends were getting their plates...

That warrants a teeny bit of explication I think - Flying Saucer is most notable for selling some 200 different beers. Drink 200, and you get your name on a plate on the wall and $100 credit behind the bar.

Oh, there was a tornado warning mixed in with this as well, so we got ridiculous weather going on outside and the weather channel freaking out in the background (you can tell when its tornado weather because the rain changes directions like a windscreen wiper).
Naturally the Brits present swiftly outboozed the Americans, eventually whittling it down to four including me. The events that followed included - a stroll down the side of the highway, 50 hotwings, a $34 round of vodka and cokes in an exclusively black bar (this was mostly notable for a funky dance number by two of our party, one half of which was wearing pulled up white socks with trainers & shorts) and a singalong with the taxi driver's iPod. Shiny!

Today - Graceland. Which is really a blog post in itself. Elvis had.. interesting taste. Also, I saw a sobbing woman throw herself on his grave (not uncommon I'm told). Check out the photos - I'm whacked (and I need to watch House) so I'm just going to briefly mention that I also swung by Sun Studio, cool ad surprisingly tiny - tour is excellent and I got a photo taken with the studio mic Elvis used.

Awwwww yeah. And I was wearing my cowboy boots too.

If I have time I shall check out Stax Records as well, because they had groovier tunes than Sun.

Boing. Tara for now duderinos!

Memphis

Don't Step on My Blue [Snakeskin Cowboy] Boots

2008-05-08T02:05:00.004+01:00

I'm blogging from the deck in Nashville, surrounded by people of various nationalities.. And I'm wearing an I heart NY t-shirt, and my new cowboy boots.

Yeah - I kinda want to punch me too. But I don't care - these boots are beautiful, and I love them.

In fairness I didn't buy a cowboy hat and I declined to go line dancing. (We've been invaded by Brits en masse now. For some reason I don't want to socialise with them - I'd rather hang with the Ozzies. Is that weird?)

Also, the UK is clearly falling apart without me - I hear Boris won the mayoral elections! Just because Arnie worked out ok...

And tomorrow, to Memphis! To meet Teresa and John - sister and the husband of, of Ange, machiavellian maestro of drama at Ashton Park School. Rock on daddios! Graceland here I come...

Mashville Brigade

2008-05-07T06:41:00.005+01:00

Such a good title - wish I'd thought of it..

Regretably the moniker belongs to the bluegrass band I've just been to see, under the auspices of hostel manager Hope (Hope knows everybody and is sort of like the bluegrass version of Big Jeff in Bristol. Only in no sense like Big Jeff.). We went to the Station Inn, which I'm informed is the place for country & bluegrass - something like the Fleece in Bristol. You get the people who are going to be stars, and you get the people who are ad remember it fondly.

Give me a mo while I find a youtube clip of Mashville Brigade - feel free to talk amongst your selves, go to the bar etc.
....

....

Found one!

Different guitarist - but these guys play at Station Inn every tuesday, the rest of the time they're all in different bands. The man to watch is the mandolin player whose singing on this number (although they're all bloody good), he's called Ashby and tipped for great things. Nice bloke too.

I am not even going to pretend I know what I'm talking about when it comes to bluegrass - I can just about recognise it, but I recognise that these fellas are damn good. There was some seriously tight three part harmony going on - you would never guess that they're just guys who jam together once a week.

Also the guitarist (guitarists in fact, they switched midway through) broke 7 strings between them, finishing the second set on 4 with great aplomb. There was even a random tamborine solo from a very drunk Australian girl - the fiddler translated for her.

Google this mob if you're interested - Ashby tells us they're coming to the UK soon.

Oh yeah - I did go out for a few drinks with those Canadians. We went bar hopping and I got drrrrrrrrrrunk, with the Irish dude who came along too.

Finished up the drinking in Tootsie's Orchid Lounge (not what you think it is) with was thrumming at 2 a.m. on a sunday with a high energy rockabilly band.

Then we attempted to go to White Castle for a sack of burgers (I do mean sack - you can buy 20 for $15), ending up walking through the drive through, only to be denied.

C'est la vie - I went there for lunch on my way back from the Country Music Hall of Fame (surprisingly cool) and had a paltry four burgers (they're hilariously minute, also square). I aso went to Hatch's Print Shop, which has been churning out posters since before Elvis ever looked at a guitar and is still going - I wanted everything in the store. If you've got even the vaguest interest in classic posters, visit this place. Actually, if you find yourself in Nashville (which you should someday), visit it anyway because its living history and full of beautiful art!

Oh - I did also eat some down home southern cooking. It was my breakfast post heavy drinking. I heartily commend fried chicken, mash with gravy, collard greens and macroni cheese with biscuits & corn bread as a hangover cure. Apart from anything else you'll be so full it'll send you back to sleep..

What else have I done? Made spag bog for a few folks, then made chilli out of the leftovers the next day - we cobbled up some rice and corn bread and made a meal of it. Note to self - learn to make corn bread.

Also, I really crave a pair of cowboy boots. I know, I know - but you try walking around the Country Music Hall of Fame for two hours then tell me you don't! They look well comfy and they're so very, very pretty...

I've added some photos to the Nashville album linked from the bottom of the last post - check 'em out. It includes me juggling. (I'm finally having some success with four balls, having spent a lot of time practising in the sunshine here at Music City Hostel)

Chin chin my loves - pretty sure I'm forgetting things and giving others less shrift than they deserve, but I'm worn out watching bluegrass and walking in the sun. To bed with you! Who? Me!

Awesome.

Sun is Shinin' (geek content warning)

2008-05-04T04:56:00.003+01:00

And I'm kicking back listening to Bob Marley.

Well, actually the sun is long down and its a bit chilly and Bob is singing on my iPod, but details details like the man said.

Today was a good day - for starters I'm still here and the tornadoes passed us by here in Nashville, leaving a scorcher of a day in their wake. Today was also Free Comic Day, which can't ever be a bad thing and I went to see Iron Man at the imax. Also, I had beer and bagels with cream cheese.
Could you ask for much more? Probably, but that would just make you an ungrateful sonofabitch.

I got up this morning and sat on the deck in the sun, drinking my coffee and eating my bagel, trying to think of something to do besides laze the day away (a fairly satisfactory solution in itself), before recollecting that today was may 3rd - free comic day (fo the uninitiated and indifferent, free comic day happens once a year, hundreds of comic stores give away a selection of free comics printed specially for the occasion plus odd goodies.)

Leapt onto the net to hunt up the nearest participating retailer, which turned out to be three blocks away, then took a stroll through the sunshine, figuring I'd arrived at the right place when I spotted Spiderman, Supergirl and a Storm Trooper coming out of a cafe. The shop was called the Great Escape, wandered in and had a browse of their regular stock and was pleased to find they had every Transmetropolitan (one of my favourite comics along with Kabuki - google 'em, bitches) in the racks and picked up one for $1.50 in addition to my freebies (Iron Man, Hulk & Spiderman; Hell Boy & the Avengers Invaders Sketchbook, since you ask) and had a bit of a chat to the geek type c (long greasy hair, moderate BO) guy behind the counter about the joy of free comics and Iron Man.

Wandered back to the hostel to find two guys having a jam on the deck, a French dude with a guitar and an American playing the fiddle - they were playing Purple Haze, so I went and grabbed my camera by which time they'd moved on to a new tune (youtube vid at the bottom of this post). Sat in the sun some more and listened to them and did a bit of juggling.

By this time it was lunchtime, so I decided to investigate going to see Iron Man, failing to tempt anybody into joining me but eliciting the suggestion that there was an imax reachable by bus which might be showing it. Another few moments of research and I had a ticket booked and it was time to roll with the changes and head for the bus going from downtown, about 20 minutes walk away. (Could have bussed it to downtown, but the weather was so nice it only made sense to walk, especially having elected to spend the afternoon sitting in a dark room.)

On my way (through a real no fucking around midday sun, with Gomez blasting on my iPod) I spotted an American trainspotter, rejecting the traditional anorak in deference to the heat. Hopped on the bus and was whisked to the Gaylord (I know) Opryland Mall, via the National Nashville Cemetery (does it seem weird to anybody else that there are loads of 'national' cemeteries here?)

The mall was, like so many USAian things, designed for cars, but I negotiated my way to the imax, picked up my ticket and bought a pizza from the food thingumy for the novelty factor.
Hell, it was worth the trip for the Dark Knight and Indiana Jones trails alone - as a bonus the movie was excellent. Downey Jr. is Tony Stark (i.e. an arrogant, self-involved prick), the FX were superb, and the characterisation was at least 2.5D, verging on 3D. Particularly nice were the flying sequences, reminded me of the initial Spiderman webswinging bits - the joy of motion vibrates off the screen in both cases.

So yeah - go see Iron Man, and on a horking great big screen if possible!

Hopped on a bus back to town and watched the sun setting over the plains en route - it isn't that the sunsets are better than you get them in Bristol, they just have way more sky out here. Can't but think it has an impact on the collective psyche (fuck knows what kind.)
Picked up a few beers en route (also, I discovered that there's a White Castle here, so I shall have to visit that and try these burgers that people go on about - see American Splendor and Harold & Kumar), and drank a couple, distributing the rest amongst the other hostelers.

What else.. Oh! There are two rabbits living in the garden. I shall try and photograph them at some point.

I'm now faced with a choice between sleep (very tempting), watching basketball on TV (less tempting) or walking up to Cafe Coco for a few drinks with some Canadians who arrived today (fairly tempting). I think it may have to be sleep - doing nothing is very tiring it seems!

Tomorrow I will seek out some good old southern grub. Fried chicken, biscuits & gravy, with collard greens maybe. Hells eyah.

Nashville

Aunty Em! Aunty Em..

2008-05-02T23:52:00.003+01:00

I'm still liking Nashville - the only fly in my ointment today is that we're under a tornado watch today, lasting till 12 a.m.

The weather has been bad all day (relatively), with major rain and plenty of thunder & lightning keeping things lively. I'm not objecting really, I've spent the day lazing and chatting to the other denizens of the hostel.

But yes - there's twisters in the offing, although hopefully we'll get passed by. One's already touched down in Arkansas and I understand there was a festival in Memphis that is having a Glastonbury moment times ten.

I shall keep my eyes open for baseball sized hail and green lightning, the wail of a freight train.. And hide in the bathtub if that happens (best option, which is.. comforting?) And keep watching the weather channel..

Much love ladies and gents, let's hope I don't go Dorothy on your asses!

Music City

2008-05-02T05:30:00.002+01:00

This is the tagline for Nashville.

By the gods, it may just be a fair one? I arrived at 9 a.m. after 17 hours on the Greyhound, chillaxed for the majority of the day, eventually striding forth at about 9 p.m. to check out an open mic/free gig ($2 cover) just up the street from the hostel.

The musos in question were competing for a $25 gift certificate.

For this money and this prize back home I'd expect - roughly 35% totally incapable and dire, 25% ghastly but slightly interesting, 30% alright but dull and 10% good & vaguely interesting..

Not a one of them dropped a note vocal or instrumental. Every one was session musician standard at a minimum, most considerably better. Not really my taste of tuneage - very MOR, but the ability was notable.

Bit weird really. Suspect the drinks were pricey for this part of the world, but at 2 GBP a pint of Newcastle Brown, considerably cheaper than the skankiest dive in sunny Bristol.

What else?

Hostel - very pleasant & friendly. Comfy bed, hot shower, friendly people and safe area 10 minutes from two decent gig venues.

Sod Washington, in other words.

Mr. Jono goes to Washington

2008-04-30T14:11:00.004+01:00

And doesn't like it much to be honest.

Washington has a lot of things going for it - 19 Smithsonians, all of which are free, several world class art galleries (free), a spy museum, the Whitehouse, Congress, loads of monuments, Arlington Cemetery etc.

But I don't like it, much. The hostel I'm staying at (Capitol City), is a very comfortable (I had a double mattress! And there were hot showers! WITH DOORS ON THEM!!), very friendly, slightly ramshackle place which is unfortunately slap bang in the ghetto making the surrounding area a touch scary. Washington is dangerous enough between all the FBI, Secret Service, police and enormously high gun crime (most oft repeated comment from New Yorkers - don't walk around on your own at night. Anywhere besides the National Mall), without staying in one of the dodgy bits.

I sort of equate the place to a huge museum built on top of Mos Eisley. Fascinating but scary.

Hilariously/frighteningly, security is hyper tight at just about everything. I gave up on wearing my belt after having to go through airportesque security to get into the visitor information center (in the Ronald Reagan Building). If you skim the photos you'll see a sign that particularly caught my attention (belonging to the Whitehouse Visitors Center) - no explosives, and definitely no balloons.

So I've only done a day here - zoomed through the National Mall, made faces at the Whitehouse (from a considerable distance - funnily enough you're not allowed to get very close to it these days), waved to Congress, went to see JFK in Arlington, took in the Air & Space Smithsonian and prodded a very small bit of moon (very cool museum - they have the Spirit of St Louis!), checked out some art (East Wing National Gallery) and saw a few memorials.

Phew! Whistlestop tour.

The other thing is that the town is dead as a dodo. It more or less shuts down by 7 p.m., and there are about three good bars left, all of which are on the other side of the city.

Plus, the hostel is booked up for the next few nights.

Therefor.. We move onward (at the speed of a speeding Greyhound) to Nashville, which is a 17 hour bus trip (wince).

In Nashville I'm booked into Music City Hostel which gets rave reviews from other travellers, for a week. I'm not classically a country music fan, so I'm hoping to catch some live on the basis that things make more sense when you can see the singer inadvertently spitting at the crowd.

Don't get me wrong about DC though - if I was a tourist-tourist, it would be brilliant. The Smithsonians are fantastic and the whole National Mall area is beautiful; the tendency for public buildings to be made of white stone makes the place shine like some mythical representation of ancient Greece, on a sunny day. It just doesn't have quite the vibe I'm looking for - I've done tourism to the max in NYC and could do with a break from impressive buildings and art museums.

Oh, and the hostel has a cat called... Kitty. (Kitty's a dude.)

Pictures!

washington

Bad pictures, but you're just going to have to deal with it.

Hopefully the tornadoes that have hit Virginia while I was here (caught the edge of the weather system on the drive from NYC - wondered why it was raining frogs), don't bugger up the bus! Wish my luck oh my dearly beloveds..

Observations

2008-04-28T01:13:00.002+01:00

Dunkin' Donuts' slogan is: "America runs on donuts!"

Make of that what you will?

Also, I saw a place selling deep fried Oreos. Fuck deep fried mars bars - that is just awesome.

Conversation overheard on the subway:

Guy: "I'm totally psyched - I'm pickin up my new bed frame today"
Girl: "Yeah? You get it from Sleepy's?"
Guy: "Where else? I lay on that shit and it was like auuuughrrruuuuh -makes convulsive smoothing gestures and shuts eyes- I don't even want to put no sheet or nothing on that. Know what I'm saying?"

At this point another train passed so I missed some dialogue.

Guy: "..only I've got to leave it with Mikey, so I'm like, worried"
Girl: "Why?"
Guy: "Last time he -" missed this bit too.
Girl: "Yeah... he always seemed a bit.."
Guy: "Yeah."

My conjectured fill in bit is too rude for a blog not tagged adult, so I'll leave where Mikey comes into the whole bed situation and what he did last time to your imagination..

Found a really cool sounding hostel in Nashville, so I might stay there for a bit and educate my ass on country & western.

Hustlers with Cheese

2008-04-27T22:17:00.005+01:00

So check it out - I got hustled today!

Sort of. When I say hustled, I mean in the sense of that guy on the street who has the really long in depth speil about why he really needs that 50 pence to get into a hostel and not at all to score crack.

Anyway! I was walking up through the market currently extending up Broadway on one side of the street, from 95th to 110th (it was a market, nothing super special - people selling fake sunglasses, fried food and orthapedic miracle cures), and I get hailed by this old guy stood by the subway station - "'scuse me! You British?"
I stopped, as you do when somebody accurately pegs your nationality from 20 paces without you opening your mouth. Blah blah blah British too, ex army etc. the Queen is better than Oprah, by the way you know your people kept my people as slaves and so forth.

I only mention this, because unlike your regular hustle - it went on for 10 blocks. Seriously, the guy and his buddy walked ten blocks chattering drunken bullshit to me, then asked for ten dollars a piece.

I gave him two which was all I had on me - partly because they were kinda scary, partly respect for the sheer effort entailed.

I digress. What have I been up to in NYC?

Lot of walking. Lot of riding the subway. Been uptown, been downtown. I love it so much I bought the t-shirt - actually I bought three for $5 from a blind guy (that last part was a lie, but he was wearing dark glasses).

Saw a fight on the subway yesterday. It was packed and an old homeless guy, professional collector of cans, ended up face to face with an elderly Japanese guy and his wife. Old homeless guy mutters something about Pearl Harbour, Japanese dude calls him a son of a bitch. They then have to wait for the next stop because there's no way to move on the train, where they get off and start shoving each other, only to be separated by a guy in a drama club t-shirt.

The train moved on.

What else? A lot of time hanging out in central park in the sun, which is extraordinarily pleasant. Sat for an hour on a big rock watching kids play softball in the sun, eating an ice cream. Blinder.

Lemme give you a quick list: Statue of Liberty (she's shorter than you expect) Empire state Building (nice views, for overall experience I give it a 6 - Space Needle was better), Greenwich Village (kinda like the older areas of Paris, but full of rich Americans not rich Parisians), Katz' Deli (partly responsible for those fucking shampoo adverts, forgiven for the awe inspiring corned beef sandwich), Coney Island (the one bit of NY that is straight up all ways crappy. I mean Weston Super Mare crappy.), MOMA (very nice - truely ugly building from the outside however. Best bit being the floor of light installations/sculptures/whatever, which gave me the giggles. I'm always down with art that tickles my funny bone.), Grand Central's Oyster Bar (had a deep fried oyster po boy - bloody marvellous. The station itself is.. epic. Reminds me of Musee D'Orssey in Paris, but magnified.)

Phew. I'm missing things out here but nevermind, let's talk about food. (Again? Fuck you, yes again!)

I had a philly cheesesteak today. Now, I know I'm not in Philadelphia, but bear with me. Next time you're in New York take the red line to Chambers street and walk east about a block till you find Carl's Steaks. It'll be worth it.

If you don't know what a philly cheesesteak is (or unlike me were not an avid viewer of Will Smith's opus magnus, the Fresh Prince), let me elucidate for you (if you've got an existing heart condition this might save your life) - a big pile of shredded steak in a bun, topped with a load of gooey, melty cheese. Oozy, is a word I would associate with it, in the best possible way.

Chinatown! Took a stroll down Mott street the other evening, dodging the evening bustle and stopping in to a restaurant with a name I couldn't even read let alone pronounce, for a heaped plate of noodles & dumplings at a shared table. Overheard conversation from the couple on a date - smoothing about destiny and eating real food, then blowing it by talking about Heroes. Ouch.

I'm going to Washington tomorrow. Let this disordered and chaotic account cease and desist!

Let there be photos! Let there be pigs! Wait - no pigs.

New York

Quickie

2008-04-25T16:27:00.002+01:00

Hiho folks. Guess where I am?

5th Avenue Apple Store. Its very shiny and full of pretty things. Although ironically I'm considering buying an Asus eeePC to keep myself better connected to the world. Such is life eh?

I've also decided to extend my stay in Manhattan till monday, because there's just too much to see and do in four days - I haven't even got up the Empire State Building yet, or been in Grand Central Station!

Anyway. Much love, I'm going to go and see if I can buy an eee..

Sunshine

2008-04-24T23:55:00.003+01:00

And lots of it.

It is cooking in Manhattan. I have limited time, so a very swift rundown:

Went to seek food, walked about ten blocks paralysed by indecision due to sheer volume of choice (sushi? Pizza? Soul food? French bistro? Hotdogs? AAAARGH!!) eventually plumping for an extremely tasty pepperoni pizza from Perfecto Pizza, eaten as I walked back through the buzzing evening crowds on Broadway.

Today I got the subway to Times Square, which was full of police (they were everywhere today, although I don't know why) and walked a very meandering route to Battery Park and the Staten Island ferry from there, passing through the lower east side & chinatown.
I paused at that deli where the orgasm scene happened and had a corned beef sandwich. It was a bit different to an english corned beef sandwich - once I find somewhere to upload some bloody pics, you'll see what I mean!

Chinatown looks badass and I shall return to it in more depth, perhaps tomorrow. Actually just about everywhere looks worth returning to in depth now I think about it..

The ferry was pleasant - beautiful views of Manhattan & lady Liberty, plus let's face it - you can't go wrong with free!

Hopped on a subway as my wanderings had left me on the dead side of beat, and spent a pleasant hour recuperating in Central Park, watching a softball game and reading on a big rock, in the sun. Central Park is fabulous by the way - on my wander back to the hostel through it, I ran across four guys playing brass in a scratch jazz combo; including one tiny japanese geezer with a susaphone. Blinder.

I was intending to whizz down to Greenwich Village to check out a poetry slam, but that appears to be tomorrow in Alphabet City (apparently now no longer incredibly dangerous and full of Russian Gangsters. Guess we'll see?), so I may end up slumping in front of whatever movie is playing at the hostel, because I'm whacked from my walking!

Tomorrow: Chinatown, MOMA and maybe some poetry!

I like this town..

Apples and Onions

2008-04-23T20:33:00.004+01:00

Hello again folk!

Everybody alright? I'm in Manhattan, staying at the Broadway Hotel & Hostel (don't get too excited - wrong end of Broadway), distressingly there's no drinking allowed in the building (on the plus side the bed is clean if uncomfortable, and there are more then three showers - they even have doors. Sweet.) How am I meant to meet random people without beer, eh?
We'll work something out.

I'm knackered, having had a fairly vile coach ride - disgorged into Cleveland bus station at 1 a.m. and left to bum around for over an hour while they moved the coach from one side of the building to the other. Hijinks and shennanigans with the cab I got from Port Authority, namely communication difficulties resulting in me being whisked to 21st Street, as opposed to 101st Street. Ah well, we get there in the end... And discover we can't check in for three hours, not that it matters because they've decided my reservation was for yesterday.

Minor glitches friends and neighbours! These things are sent to try us.

I read Neuromancer by William Gibson on the coach, and I'm now starting on Don Quixote (this travelling lark is expensive in books I tell ya) - difficult to hunt down an unabridged version for some reason.

I'm booked in here till the 26th, when I shall either make haste for Washington DC, or possibly stick around depending on how things roll out and over. (Play dead! Good boy. Now play hopscotch!)

Chicago is very lovely - beaches & Batman with generous helpings of italian food. (The name means 'smelly onion by the water' incidentally, which pleases me greatly.)

The time is 25 to 6, I think I shall take a walk down Broadway in the fairly mega heat, and see what happens. Can't make me smell any worse than I do after 17 hours aboard the Greyhound at least..

Stay tuned as always for large fruity fun..

The Hostel is Sinking

2008-04-21T13:58:00.003+01:00

Seriously.

Well, not quite sinking I guess - its a bit flooded though. There's water coming through the ceiling of the men's bathroom, and that's gone down another floor and somewhat collapsed the ceiling of the kitchen during the night. (Presumably a pipe or private room - it hasn't rained in a day or so.)

I feel slightly happier today, albeit a touch hungover - as strategies for meeting people go, buying a box of beer and sitting down with it seems to work well. You do meet a lot of.. odd, people though. However I very much enjoyed getting drunk with Japanese dude with huge afro who speaks no english, Argentinian dude who's knocked up two American women and is being crippled by child support, wild haired old Australian guy who wanted to tell me all the things wrong with computers, smug Italian bloke who knows about wine and Haitian girl who's actually from LA.

Going to go on a trolley (i.e. bus) tour of Chicago today and buy postcards. Excellent.

EnglaBlog

2008-04-19T23:26:00.003+01:00

I've noticed that roughly a third of 'things' (take this to mean... accommodation, shower gel, insurance, banks, chips, etc.) over here contain at least the first two syllables of the word 'American', if not more. I'm not sure what, if anything this actually says about the states - exercise for the reader?

My apologies for the lack of blogging - internet access has been awkward for the last.. however long it has been. So, let's roll right into 'what the fuck Jono's been doing'!

Jono on Amtrak

Right. Having considered the transportation options, discovered Mount Rushmore is essentially closed until May unless you have a car and so on, I elected to a. ditch the Greyhound for a spell, and b. take the train straight to Minneapolis.
One of my best, and worst ideas..

The train was badass. I had wanted to go to Glacier Park, but has prevented by carlessness, and the fact that it also is shut up for the winter. (Fear my mad planning skillz kids.)
Fortunately the train from Seattle to Minneapolis goes through Glacier Park. It was beautiful, and the train was pretty mind blowing coming from thinking 'coo, Virgin trains are nice, eh?'.

We're talking double decker, full bed-seat.. things, full service restaurant, observation lounge. All that. Like I said - this is train travel, but not as you know it.

First section of the route climbed up about 4000', crossing into Idaho & Montana, eventually leaving us zooming through the pass through the Rockies that Lewis & Clark were looking for (but didn't find), surrounded by snow and pine forests, mountains up the wazoo. Stunning.

Pity the second 22 hours or so of it were across the Great Plains. Let me tell you something about the Great Plains - they're fucking gigantic, totally flat, and incredibly empty. Nothing but the odd car graveyard and occasional dead cow for hundreds and hundreds of miles. You can literally see for 200 miles every direction. 200 miles of sod all.
Generally the Australians are the ones known for the blindingly obvious naming schemes - USA, take a bloody bow. Great Plains. Great (big) and Plain (boring).

So, after a 36 hour, 1800 mile train trip I arrived in... Minneapolis/St Paul (no, really - they are technically two cities, but tend to get referred to as one).

Bust. Seriously - I suspect they're lovely places to live. They're arse to visit. Nothing to see, not much to do. Slightly odd little hostel with almost nobody in it, resulting in me having this absurd 8 bed room to myself and nobody to talk to.

Took a bus to St Paul. Saw some Peanuts statues (Charles Shulz lived here).

Saw about.. 20 people. The weather was grey, apart from an unexpected bout of extreme sunshine that burnt my nose.

It was all a bit depressing..

Then, I went to the Mall of America. And got culture shock.

Sweet Jesus on a jetski, the place is so big I lack the words for it. It contains a reasonably sized theme park complete with a rollercoaster & log flume. It has its own chapel.

I wandered around for about two hours without coming close to seeing all of it, and also without buying anything. Think of a thing. You can buy that there.
It was.. creepy.

So yes, Minneapolis = rubbish. And the computer at the hostel toasted the photos I took of it (and more distressingly, the photos I took of the train & Glacier Park), all of which left me feeling a bit bummed.

Did have a jolly fine cheese burger and free shoestring fries though (they forgot about them for like, two minutes and then refused to charge me. Shame.)

Thence, onward to Chicago!

Chicago is much, much more interesting, although the hostel is way less comfortable. Its bloody huge - I'm in a 24 person dorm, of which there appear to be at least four or five, plus many other smaller rooms. To compensate for this, it has two knackered old computers and three showers.

Yeah. Awesome.

Honestly, I'm feeling rubbish at the moment - buslag, minor jetlag from a very rapid series of timezone transitions, homesick and culture shock.

On the plus side, the city is surprisingly beautiful and friendly, and I had an excellent Chicago Deep Dish Pizza. It warrants the capitals, because (like the train) this is pizza but not as you know it. I ate two slices of a small one and it destroyed me. I could barely move. The thing was about an inch and a half thick. The whole 'pizza-pie' thing is entirely accurate.

Bloody tasty.

I've also purchased some flipflops (be proud dad), completing my transition to travelling hippy scum.

I will now attempt to upload some pictures, and see if I can crowbar myself into being sociable back at the hostel...

Wish me luck?

Sleepless in Seattle

2008-04-14T04:18:00.004+01:00

Well, that's bollocks honestly, but who could resist that as a blog title? (Anybody with a sense of humour)

Oh the things I've seen.. What have I seen? Not telling.

...

Oh go on then, I'll spill - I've been up the Space Needle, eaten bloody marvellous clam chowder from Pike Place, been on a tour of underground Seattle (they raised about half the city a storey over the course of a year or so, after it all burned to the ground. Result being a sidewalk under the sidewalk, and a 'lost' storey of buildings. Bit odd - more of this later.), and most importantly in some ways - been to Jimi Hendrix's grave in Renton to pay my respects.

In the weekend's financial news - the first guy who claimed to be sorting my card, wasn't. He also failed to tell me that I could still use it to get money from currency exchanges. There were many apologies from Halifax drone number 2 and renewed assurances that my card should function again by.. wednesday. Ho hum.

Travel news next! I've discovered that my haphazard planning has led to my being in the area of Mount Rushmore & Crazy Horse a month before its possible to get to them without a car. No buses or tours running before may. As such, I've sighed, tutted, and decided to bypass Rapid City and all of Dakota in favour of whizzing to Minneapolis & St Paul via the venerable railway, which creeps its way up along the northen edge of the States. I'll be journeying that way for 36 hours, starting tomorrow morning. Must check the weather in Minneapolis - I'm told it can be brutally cold. Nevertheless, the Great Lakes and the Mall of America beckon (the Mall of America does actually have capital letters - I'm not just adding them for dramatic effect.)
From thence onwards to Chicago and back on the Greyhound.

A map of aproximate route for your delictation & consideration - the route is something like 1600 miles.

View Larger Map

(edit: the map seems to be playing up route is here.)

Back to Seattle however - the Space Needle is rather jolly and best described as .. Spacey. Its a whacking great saucer on a tripod. of the other towers I've visited, its a bit like Berlin's TV tower, but more American. Has enjoyably sardonic lift operators. Stunning view from the top as it was a really clear day - you could see the Rockies bluing in the distance over the bay.

At the base is a building I didn't actually go into for reasons of frugality - the Experience Music Project & Sci Fi Hall of Fame. In keeping with the general decor of the needle, it looks like an alien spaceship; an image enhanced by the fact that it appears to be splitting open and extending a huge metal tongue in the form of the monorail.

I also went to the Pike Place Market, a bustling crowded bit of old school commerce with a top level crammed with fishmongers & flower shops. Seattle is fairly famous for seafood - less sure about the flowers. While I was there I had a cup of exceedingly good clam chowder from the Market Grill. Thick and tasty - perfect antidote to a very drunken night before.

As I mentioned I also took the underground tour. Interesting, and worth a tenner. The best portion was standing underneath the current sidewalk, looking up at the skylights in the pavement - you can hear a surprising amount of the activity above. The skylights incidentally are there because the underwalk as I've decided to dub it, remained in use for some time after they regraded the area - they actually raised the road first, requiring the use of ladders to cross the street (I believe this crops up in a Discworld novel). I also learned that Seattle was originally named New York (nice one guys), and later renamed after this 6 foot Native American Chief dude called... Chief Seattle. An educational experience - see, I'm not just getting drunk and having fun, I'm learning.

Brief aside - I had one of these much famed USAian sandwiches they make such a fuss over. Not a patch on the clam chowder, maybe the East will do better? (I know, I know - you're gagging to find out. Don't worry, we'll get there eventually!)

Last, but by god not least - Hendrix. Seattle is actually home to three badass dead guys - Bruce & Brandon Lee, and Jimi. Kurt Cobain also lived here once upon a time. (Makes sense that the music scene here is so hyperactive.)

Hendrix isn't exactly buried in Seattle, he's in Renton about 40 minutes down the highway. A piece of advice for people making the trip - don't do it on sunday cos there ain't no bus service worth mentioning. I managed to get lost three times on this short trip - once finding the bus to get to Renton (walked about ten blocks in totally the wrong direction and wound up in the verging on dodgy bit of downtown, before discovering it was four blocks from the hostel). Again in the actually graveyard (Greenwood Memorial Park in case you're wondering), spending about half an hour meandering through the place before noticing the site office and asking for directions (that huge pagoda over there sir - the really, really obvious one right near the way in). And finally getting off the bus back in Seattle and again walking the wrong direction (other way this time) and finding myself back at the Space Needle. Seattle is not a town its easy to get lost in - there's a huge seafront all along one side of it, and the Space Needle at one end. Ergo, I'm rubbish.

To compensate, I did amuse a number of people by being British although half of them thought I was Australian (too much Neighbours perhaps?) including one little punk rocker kid called Ace who was so excited he summoned a collection of people to come and hear me say "Hello, I'm British - your mate is a bit odd."

The memorial itself is nice - not too showy, and peaceful. It was covered in flowers and guitar picks, as one might expect. Signed the guestbook, paid my respects to the greatest guitarist to ever have lived, took a couple of photos and then spent an hour waiting for the bus. Worth it.

As a random aside - I've met about a dozen people who've been rejected from, or in two cases ejected from Canada (they got drunk at a hockey game, which eventually led to their expulsion from the country), including one South African guy who was dumped on the highway having spent a good hour in handcuffs.

I feel less bummed about striking Canada from my plans now.

I was waiting to spill this one until it was all confirmed - my wonderful girlfriend Jen is coming out not only to visit me in San Francisco, but is then coming on to Australia with me for a month or two. This is good - adventures are better in units of more than one I've decided. (And I miss her wretchedly)

One more thing as I recall it - people in Seattle spit. Lots. As in every twenty feet. On the pavement. Good thing is rains here, or the streets would be slick with phlegm.

Anyway! On that delightful note, I'll leave you with some photographs.

Tune in next time, 1600 miles East for... Jono at the Mall!

Seattle